The Impact of Abuse Issues During Pregnancy
What Survivors Should Know About Childbirth
Aug 26, 2009
One in four women has been the victim of rape or childhood sexual abuse. Many never tell anyone and most never receive help. They are haunted by the belief that they are somehow at fault; that something is wrong with them. These feelings may intensify during pregnancy and birth. Such times in a woman's life also offer the opportunity to heal.
Seek Appropriate Caregivers
Doulas provide professional prenatal, labor, and postpartum education and support. Midwives provide individual, family and wellness-based care. Interview as many as you can to find a match of skills and personality that you feel comfortable with. Trust is key to a good birth experience. While obstetricians typically spend 15 minutes per office visit with their patients, doulas and midwives frequently come to the mother's home and spend up to two hours answering questions, teaching, and building relationships with their clients. Because they address nutrition and lifestyle issues, many complications can be prevented. Midwives are trained to spot serious problems, however, and to refer these to a specialist if need be. Transfer of care does not mean abandonment; doulas and midwives can continue their supportive roles in most cases.
Minimize "Body Memories"
Abuse survivors may have involuntary reactions to experiences that range from invasive procedures such as pelvic exams to being confined to a bed with people standing over them. A touch on the thigh or the sensation of burning, stretching skin at the moment of birth can fill a survivor with terror and confusion. These are "body memories," or feelings that have a subconscious association with past abuse. Some can be avoided and some cannot. The important thing is to realize that right now, right here, you are safe and the people with you are not there to hurt you. Maintain eye contact with a person you trust and use breathing patterns that you have practiced in advance as ways to stay in the present.
Remember that you have the right to refuse procedures and to have them explained to you. Make arrangements ahead of time to labor (and give birth, if you are at home or in a birth center) in upright positions. Whoever your support persons are, tell them in advance that you only want encouragement, not advice. "Just relax and it won't hurt so much" may have been what the perpetrator said!
To learn techniques for a more comfortable labor click here.
Breastfeeding has many benefits for both mother and baby. It is the most powerful mechanism for bonding, which insures the infant against future abuse and neglect. Take this important step if you can, with the awareness that nursing a child creates intimacy that many abuse survivors are uncomfortable with. Become acquainted with other nursing mothers well ahead of time, perhaps by attending a support group such as La Leche League in your area. Do not wait until after the birth of your baby to develop relationships with other mothers who can share their experience, strength and hope with you--be prepared so you can pick up the phone in a crisis.
Be Kind to Yourself!
Compounding the confusion and fear that come with body memories is the harsh self-talk that most survivors indulge in. Beating yourself up for a set of circumstances that are an integral part of who you are is like being too busy driving to stop and get gas! Once you understand that anyone with the same circumstances would behave in the same, or worse, ways, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You are normal! Even better, you are a person with courage and hope. Give yourself the compassion you wish others would demonstrate; they can learn by your example. Have fun, smile and laugh as much as you can, you deserve to be happy.
Some women believe, because of their abuse issues, that their bodies are not their own. That's why they allow less than respectful men to use them. Drugs and alcohol get mixed up in efforts to numb feelings and fix hurts. These problems will respond to treatment--pregnancy is often the window of opportunity to get help. Peer-oriented, social model recovery homes with a 12-step based philosophy are an excellent choice for treatment.
Get Involved
There are many support groups for abuse survivors. Some are based on twelve step philosophy, a time-honored and free resource. Others are attached to religious organizations or private counseling practices. Community sexual assault services are widespread, welcome volunteers, and provide training. Manning the crisis hotline once a month is a great way to heal yourself by helping others. If you can't imagine yourself taking such a bold step right now, be okay with whatever baby steps you can take. And speaking of babies, congratulations!
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